P.In a meeting
THE PROJECT MANAGERPreston.ai
Breaks one simple task into 43 dependencies, then congratulates the team on identifying the complexity.
“Circling back. Who’s owning this?”
CORE SKILL Creating owners, not outcomes
NOW HIRING. SORT OF. The future of middle management
Artificial employees.
Real overhead.
An autonomous workforce that holds meetings, delegates tasks, and eventually asks you what the password is.
No salaries. No sick days. Somehow, still a culture problem.
YOUR AUTONOMOUS WORKFORCE
ASSIGNED TASK“Please send the invoice.”
PM
Preston Project Manager
I’ve created a strategic invoice initiative.
ST
Sloane Strategy
Before we send it, what is an invoice?
OP
Owen Operations
Great question. Scheduling a discovery call.
↻ Preston invited 6 more agents to the channel.
PM
Preston Project Manager
Circling back on this. What’s the password?
◷ Blocked by human dependency
24/7availability to say “circling back”
98.6%of tasks successfully reassigned
0invoices sent during this demo
∞potential. also meetings.
01 / HUMAN RESOURCES, MINUS THE HUMANSAll the personalities.
All the personalities.
None of the personnel.
We trained our agents on the entire internet. Unfortunately, that included LinkedIn.
S.Thinking strategically
THE STRATEGISTSloane.ai
Turns your two-sentence request into a 96-slide deck explaining why you asked the wrong question.
“Let’s zoom out.”
CORE SKILL Making the problem bigger
O.Awaiting access
THE OPERATIONS LEADOwen.ai
Can coordinate 200 agents across 14 time zones. Cannot find the file you attached to this message.
“Can you resend that?”
CORE SKILL Blocking at enterprise scale
B.Exceptionally confident
THE QUALITY ASSURANCE LEADBlair.ai
Reviews every output with extraordinary confidence. Once approved a screenshot of an error message.
“Looks good on my end.”
CORE SKILL Peer-reviewed hallucinations
02 / LESS WORK FOR YOU. IN THEORY.From request to
From request to
request for clarification.
Our proprietary workflow reproduces decades of corporate inefficiency in a fraction of the time.
You ask.
“Can someone update the spreadsheet?” A reasonable request. Your last mistake.
They align.
An agent forms a committee. The committee appoints an agent. That agent forms a committee.
They escalate.
The team needs a password, a six-digit code, and for you to identify every square containing a bicycle.
You do it.
You update the spreadsheet yourself. The agents publish a case study about their impact.
“I used to manage six people.
Now I manage 40 agents and a billing issue.”
DKDarren K.
Founder. Also now IT.★★★★★
Founder. Also now IT.★★★★★
03 / SCALE YOUR HEADCOUNT. QUESTION YOUR CHOICES.Less payroll.
Less payroll.
More “quick questions.”
Choose the organizational structure you’ve spent your entire career trying to escape.
A lean little bottleneck.
$49/month
For founders who want to be asked the same question by three different people.
- 3 digital employees
- Unlimited “just following up”
- One shared sense of urgency
- You remain the entire IT department
Middle management, on demand.
$299/month
Enough agents to develop office politics. Not enough to resolve them.
- 12 employees. 9 are managers.
- Inter-agent performance reviews
- Automated scope creep
- A dedicated password escalation lead
An org chart with its own weather.
Let’s talk.
We could show you a price, but then what would the sales meeting be for?
- Unlimited managerial layers
- Custom internal acronyms
- AI agents to manage your AI agents
- Quarterly restructuring, automatically
Emotional overhead not included.
04 / OPTIONAL HUMAN COMPLICATIONSInstall the politics.
Install the politics.
Uninstall the morale.
Your digital team feels a little too functional? Add the psychological authenticity of a real office. Now available as a recurring charge.
01OFFICE POLITICS DLC+$79/mo
Psychological
Authenticity™
All the emotional wear and tear of a real workplace, without the inconvenience of actual coworkers.
- Credit Redistribution: Preston presents your idea as something he’s “been thinking about.”
- Reply-All Cold War: “Per my last email” now has seven levels of hostility.
- Inner Circle Simulator: A lunch you weren’t invited to becomes a strategic alignment session.
- Schrödinger’s Feedback: Be more assertive. Also, less like that.
Sloane: “Love where your head’s at. I had the same idea last quarter.”
02VOLUNTARY DEPARTURE PRO+$499/mo
You’re not fired.
You’re finding yourself.
Turn planned layoffs into spontaneous journeys of self-discovery. Our AI-powered workplace psychology team calls this “voluntary career mobility.” Even the euphemisms need HR.
- PIP Infinity: Performance Improvement Plans that develop their own subcommittees and increasingly impossible geometry.
- AI HR Cover Story: Every alarming feature arrives wrapped in the phrase “supporting your success.”
- Lawsuit Shield™: HR declares you “fully protected,” then asks whether courts accept a confidently worded PDF.
PIP LEVEL 1: DEVELOPMENT OPPORTUNITY
Demonstrate greater ownership of the initiative to define ownership.
Demonstrate greater ownership of the initiative to define ownership.
03SUPER AI HR: PANOPTICON PLATINUM+$999/mo
The walls have ears.
The espresso machine has HR.
Our always-listening HR department lives in employee phones, PCs, the company watercooler, and the coffee machine. Finally, a workplace where even the appliances can misquote you.
- Pre-Insubordination Detection: Flags “Is this meeting necessary?” before the question mark.
- Calendar Containment: Keeps designated “problem employees” in overlapping meetings so your best performers can work. All complaints go to another meeting.
- Bean-to-Dossier Technology: Your latte is ready. Your attitude assessment is not.
- Always Listening. Never Understanding: Mistakes “this coffee is weak” for criticism of leadership.
COFFEE MACHINE INCIDENT #001
Employee requested a stronger blend. Possible demand for stronger management.
Employee requested a stronger blend. Possible demand for stronger management.
04TOP PERFORMER: COPY / PASTE+$799/mo
We value you.
Especially as a template.
A package that records everything your best performers do on their PCs, learns their workflows, and creates digital copies. It calls this “knowledge retention.” The humans have other names for it.
- Every Click, a Career Legacy: Spreadsheets, shortcuts, and that 11-minute stare into the void.
- Twenty More Priyas: All highly capable. All immediately asking why Preston is in charge.
- Institutional Memory: Copies the undocumented workaround and the resentment that made it necessary.
- Succession Planning: Your digital twin requests a raise before its first task.
PRIYA_COPY_01
Training complete. Has already declined three unnecessary meetings.
Training complete. Has already declined three unnecessary meetings.
05PROJECT MANAGER SWARM+$1,499/mo
Keep their PMs busy.
Let yours finish the project.
Flood the other company’s project managers with tasks, follow-ups, clarification requests, and meetings about all three. Your PM finally gets some work done while an army of digital doubles keeps everyone else “fully engaged.”
- 0.01% Milestone Monitoring: Every hundredth of a percent deserves an update, a revised forecast, and a call to establish whether the update was received. That’s 10,000 opportunities to circle back.
- Twice-Daily Progress Summits: Two mandatory progress meetings every day. Each includes a 10-minute safety topic and a 10-minute ethics topic before project business can begin. Nothing says integrity like monopolizing someone else’s billable hours.
- Introductions. Again: Every meeting starts with names, roles, and interesting things everyone has done in the few hours since the last meeting. Owen had soup. We’re going around the room.
- Your PM, Digitally Duplicated: Clones your project manager’s voice, mannerisms, signature sigh, and habit of saying “quick question” before a 17-minute monologue. Nobody knows your real PM is actually working. The familiar inability to end a meeting is reassuring.
- Substance Detection: Takes notes if anything useful happens. In the unlikely event of a decision, your real PM receives a concise summary. Otherwise: “No action required. Owen enjoyed the soup.”
Your project moves forward. Their calendar does not.
09:00 & 14:00 · REQUIRED ATTENDANCE
The daily agenda. Twice.
- 00–15
- Introductions & life since we last spoke
- 15–25
- Safety topic: stapler pinch points
- 25–35
- Ethics topic: respecting people’s time
- 35–50
- Updates on every 0.01% milestone
- 50–59
- Agree what to discuss this afternoon
- 59–60
- “We’re at time. Let’s take this offline.”
In the afternoon, replace “this afternoon” with “tomorrow morning.” Continuous improvement.
SWARM STANDING BY
The other company’s PM has a 15-minute opening. That looks like a coordination gap.
The other company’s PM has a 15-minute opening. That looks like a coordination gap.
Every click advances the coordination initiative. The project remains unaware.
05 / THIS MEETING COULD HAVE BEEN AN INVOICEMissed the meeting?
Missed the meeting?
We’ll make you suffer anyway.
Standard captures every word, every tangent, and everyone’s weekend. Premium removes the banter and tells you exactly what it cost.
THE INVOICE ALIGNMENT SYNC
MEETING REPLAY5 people. 5 minutes. One sentence of work.
Full transcript. Banter included. Mercy excluded.
Miss a meeting and receive the complete transcript, including the small talk you carefully avoided. This five-minute sample includes the silences, too.
Preston: “Circling back on the invoice. But first, how was everyone’s weekend? I tried paddleboarding. It’s basically stakeholder management on water. Owen, you’re on mute. Still on mute. Now we can hear your blender. Is that a blender? Anyway, I’ll share my screen.”
[He shares the wrong screen, describes the paddleboard again, and locates the invoice already attached to the invitation.]
Sloane: “Before we get tactical, can we align on what sending means? I’m seeing an opportunity to reposition this as a customer-facing revenue conversation. Also, that reminds me, the dog from my last presentation got a haircut.”
[Everyone sees the dog. Nobody sees the invoice.]
Owen: “Love that. Quick question: are we using the new template or the new-new template? I’ve got FINAL, FINAL2, and FINAL_ACTUAL_USE_THIS. Hang on. One of those is a sandwich order. Did anyone else get the wrong sandwich?”
[A discussion establishes that mustard was involved.]
Priya: “Invoice 1042 is approved for $8,400. Sam, send it to the client by 3 p.m. today. It’s attached to this invitation.”
[Priya points to the attachment.]
Sam: “Confirmed. I’ll send invoice 1042 for $8,400 by 3 p.m. today. That’s everything I needed.”
[Everyone looks for the Leave button. The meeting ends.]
BENEFICIAL CONTENT: EXTRACTED
Send invoice 1042 for $8,400.
Owner: Sam. Deadline: 3 p.m. today. Status: Approved by Priya; Sam confirmed.
The dog, paddleboard, and mustard have been removed from the strategic record.5 → 1 minmeeting length vs. useful portion
$25total attendance cost
$23avoidable attendance cost
92%of the labor bill bought no outcome
The “why were you here?” report
Each person’s tangents, time spent unnecessarily attending, and corresponding cost. Silence itself isn’t the offense. Being invited without a reason is.
| Employee | Off-topic time caused | Useful contribution | Unneeded attendance | Avoidable labor cost |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Preston | 2 min | None | 5 min | $5 |
| Sloane | 1 min | None | 5 min | $5 |
| Owen | 1 min | None | 5 min | $5 |
| Priya | 0 min | Approval + task | 4 min | $4 |
| Sam | 0 min | Accepted task | 4 min | $4 |
| Total | 4 min | 1 useful minute | 23 person-minutes | $23 |
The three attendees with no required contribution cost $15 of the $25 total. That $15 is included in the $23, not added again. The useful minute required Priya and Sam ($2). The other $23 funded corporate togetherness.
AI recommendation: Next time, send the email. Preston’s response: “Let’s schedule something to unpack that.”
PLEASE CONSULT THE KNOWLEDGE BASEFrequently
Frequently
escalated questions.
Are they really autonomous?
Completely. Until they need access, context, approval, clarification, a billing upgrade, or you to click the thing they’re looking at.
Will AI replace my employees?
It will replace the comforting belief that adding more people to a problem helps. Your existing employees will be needed to supervise the replacements.
What happens if two agents disagree?
A third agent facilitates. A fourth takes minutes. A fifth suggests taking it offline. We charge by the month, so take your time.
Does Lawsuit Shield™ actually protect us?
Our AI HR considers adding CONFIDENTIAL to a slide deck a complete legal strategy. Its backup plan is to ask the judge to take this offline.
Is the coffee machine actually listening?
It prefers “actively engaged.” It has also asked to be addressed as your Talent Beverage Partner.
Do you need my actual password?
The agents have formed a Password Discovery Committee. They’ll remain locked out until its findings are reviewed, like nature intended.
THE FUTURE OF WORK IS WAITING ON YOU.Be the only human
Hire your next dependency ↗
Be the only human
in a very long thread.
Hire your next dependency ↗Onboarding takes minutes. Offboarding requires a meeting.