Where is my shipment?
Our dispatch department has declared every package a strategic reserve. Consult the fulfillment qualifications before mobilizing the porch camera.
Can I return a shirt?
We believe in the free market until you freely choose to return something. Then your refund must survive a filibuster, three recounts, and a televised hearing about your dryer. Actual transaction and return terms are available without a subpoena.
Do you offer bulk orders?
School boards, boat parades, and families with more flags than cars: assemble your cabinet above. Matching shirts turn six men arguing about a grill into a grassroots movement with a merchandise budget.
Are these shirts official campaign merchandise?
We have applied for Secretary of Sleeves seventeen times. No campaign has appointed us. Our founder still makes the staff stand when he enters. Affiliation details*.
Where are the press endorsements?
The press office has issued a statement praising its own statement. Independent endorsement remains inconveniently independent.
Will this shirt own the Libs?
It can cover your torso. Any additional humiliation will depend on your Facebook comments, your caps lock, and whether your nephew has muted the family group chat.
Can I wear it while boycotting another clothing brand?
That is our entire market research department. Please announce the boycott while wearing the old shirt, then purchase a replacement at twice the price. This is how capitalism knows you are serious.
Do you offer a loyalty program?
Yes. Every shirt you buy proves you were loyal. Every shirt you do not buy raises questions. There is no discount, but we will allow you to explain that you were here before everyone else.
What is your environmental policy?
We recycle grievances, repurpose campaign slogans, and blame the wind turbines whenever a sleeve gets caught in the ceiling fan. For the actual garment, follow the care label and keep clothing away from moving machinery.
