We are pleased to announce that our offshore operations remain offshore. Some of them are in a box. Some are on a desk. The desk, for the avoidance of unnecessary excitement, is on land.
Our use of the word “offshore” has attracted the attention of people who appear to be looking for something more complicated than a shell. We appreciate their interest. We regret that our inventory is precisely as complicated as it looks.
A jurisdiction with a tide
Our products originate from the general concept of the sea. This gives us a coastal identity without requiring anyone to book a flight to inspect it. We do not disclose an “international network of strategically positioned entities.” We disclose a shelf.
The shelf has several levels, which may be described as a layered structure. The layers are visible from the front. Anyone who considers that unusually transparent is encouraged to lower their expectations of furniture.
“Offshore exposure” means the shell has seen the ocean. Your accountant does not need to attend.
The relocation strategy
A shell can be moved from the left side of a desk to the right side of a desk. We call this a change in domicile when a consultant is listening and “moving the shell” when the consultant has left.
Both descriptions refer to the same activity. One attracts a planning fee. The other requires a hand. Our board considers the second approach a meaningful operating efficiency.
For the record, relocating a shell does not relocate a person, an obligation, or the responsibility to explain why there are twelve shells next to the printer.
Terms we have retired
We no longer describe delivery as “capital flight.” It was confusing the warehouse. “Asset transfer” remains under review after somebody used it to describe handing a conch to a colleague.
“International presence” is also suspended. A shell appearing in the background of your vacation photograph does not establish a branch office. It may establish that you brought a shell on vacation, which is a different matter and, frankly, your business.
A forward-looking shoreline
Our growth plans remain subject to tides, available shelf space, and a measured assessment of how many shells one person can justify owning. We anticipate further movement toward shore. This is a geographic forecast, not a financial one.
Readers seeking offshore advice will find that our most developed position is to keep expensive electronics away from the water. Readers seeking an attractive shell may proceed to the catalog.