The satisfaction loop.
If you are satisfied, there is no reason for a refund. If you are dissatisfied, you have not completed the enlightenment process and are not yet qualified to evaluate satisfaction. Either way, our fictional finance department is delighted.
What counts as a return?
The return we discuss most often is the return of a disciple to the next seminar. A returned product would imply that enlightenment can be reversed, which would make the advanced package exceptionally difficult to market.
The three stages of review.
- Receipt verification: did you receive a receipt, or just a powerful feeling?
- Abundance assessment: would moving money downward threaten the geometric integrity of the organization?
- Final determination: we recommend a higher rank, which somehow requires more money.
The policy's most challenging cases.
What if the product doesn't work?
Our doctrine requires a product to produce a feeling of ownership. If you feel that you own it, it is performing within our extremely specific definition of success.
Can I exchange it?
You can exchange skepticism for commitment. We have an almost unlimited supply of commitment.
What has actually been charged on this website?
Nothing. Chariot Cult has no real checkout, paid membership or donation system. Every order or refund result here is a local parody response, and the amount charged is $0.
Still dissatisfied? The complaint department would love to reclassify your experience.